Who plays basketball at the Rec Center with Mike Anderson?

March 21, 2011 § 1 Comment

Forget for a second that Mike Anderson is leveraging Mizzou for more money yet again, and let’s concentrate on this little tidbit from Vahe Gregorian’s latest Post-Dispatch article about Mizzou’s basketball coach:

A Mizzou source said Anderson was believed to be in Columbia and likely playing pickup basketball as he usually does on Mondays at the student recreation center

So many questions.

First of all, to all you fuckers still in school, have you ever seen Coach Mike at the Rec Center? If so, does he only go on Mondays? Have you only seen him during the day, or does he usually go obscenely early like most professors, so he can avoid annoying students? Maybe he goes late at night because his wife gets on his nerves. Who knows? Hopefully you do.

More questions.

Have you ever played pickup basketball with him? Does he still have a nice jumpshot? Is he still quick? Is he better than the average guy on the court at any given time? Does he smell bad? Does he smell good? What does he wear when he plays? What kind of shoes does he wear? Long socks or short? How good is his defense? Hopefully better than Kim English’s. Why doesn’t he just play at Mizzou Arena and invite nine friends?

As for the actual subject of Gregorian’s article — Anderson showing his pimp hand and demanding more money from Mizzou — are you surprised? Loyalty doesn’t exist in sports. I shouldn’t have to tell you that. If Mizzou regresses again next year and then enters a quagmire of NIT appearances for a few years, I’m sure Mike Alden will flex his muscle and either force Coach Mike to take a pay cut or kick his ass out the door. Remember, this is a university that forced its court’s namesake, Norm Stewart, out of his position. So I don’t blame Coach Mike for getting his money, but after three straight seasons if sloppy courtships, this annual charade is getting old.

Now that Coach Mike has what he’s presumably going to get what he wants (to the tune of $2 million annually), and his dream job (Arkansas) will presumably be filled by someone else, it’s time for Coach Mike to stop flirting with teams in the offseason and start recruiting tough sons-of-bitches who are willing to do the dirty work*. Not spoiled assholes who think they are the second coming of Carmelo Anthony and therefore don’t improve on basic fundamentals during their offseason**.

*For example, Kentucky’s starting center, Josh Harrellson, a guy I played against once or twice, went to my rival high school, St. Charles High, which is five miles away from my house and therefore just an hour and a half away from Mizzou. You don’t suppose Mizzou could’ve used a 6’10, 275 lb center who is impossible to move off the low block and rebounds like his life depends on it, do you?

**a.k.a. Kim English

Coach Mike, you’ve built up a lot of good will in Missouri in just five years. You are very gregarious, impeccably sharp, smart, and you do cool things like play pickup basketball on Mondays. Fans like you for all the reasons that they’ve never really embraced Gary Pinkel, even though you guys have both essentially achieved the same level of success. Now, though, once you sign this new contract, it’s time for you to recruit your ass off and never attempt to so much as telepathically communicate with another school’s AD when a coaching vacancy presents itself.

In the meantime, let’s play pickup ball this Saturday.

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