Carmelo Anthony: Child-Man

February 18, 2011 § Leave a comment

I was one of the people who skewered LeBron James this past summer when he unceremoniously dumped Cleveland on national TV. LeBron’s Decision was crass and ill-conceived, and the city of Cleveland didn’t deserve to find out through a public service announcement that their lifeline was leaving. I will always think LeBron handled his decision poorly and that the circumstances surrounding his move to Miami were both fishy and kind of wimpy, career-wise.

However, after seeing Carmelo Anthony slowly rip the intestines out of Nuggets fans over the past six months or so, I have to think LeBron must be grateful because he looks downright gracious and grown-up compared to his fellow class of ’03 mate. Melo’s level of immaturity ranks right up there with any player in the NBA now or in the past 20 years.*

*Yes, that includes such bonehead retards as Vin Baker, Derrick Coleman, Dennis Rodman, Kenny Anderson, Ron Artest, DeMarcus Cousins, Eddie Griffin (R.I.P.), “Birdman,” Kenyon Martin, Darius Miles, Bill Laimbeer and all the other crazy assholes The League has employed.

Carmelo has acted like a child throughout this entire pending-free-agency process. Ever since he left Denver’s 3 year, $65 million extension on the table this past off-season, he’s acted like a flirtatious 14-year-old girl who can’t make up her fucking mind. The speculation started at Melo’s wedding with a toast from Chris Paul and has snowballed from there, with offers coming from the New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks and apparently even the LA Lakers. Throughout the ordeal, I would say Melo’s been talking out both sides of his mouth, but that would imply that Carmelo actually possesses the wherewithal to talk out both sides of his mouth.

That would be giving him way too much credit.

In fact, Carmelo often acts as if he’s clueless. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s said he’s totally unaware of any pending meetings with possible trade partners, most notably Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov (I was one “h” away from spelling that correctly on my first try). Shit, just a couple hours ago, that dumbass Melo said he was unaware of any pending meetings. Doesn’t he watch Sportscenter? I bet at least 30 million people in the United States alone are aware that the Nets and Nuggets are in serious talks about trading Melo. After cooling off over the past month, the talks between the teams have apparently heated up quite a bit today, resulting in a proposed deal involving nine players (five to the Nets, four to the Nugs) and a whopping four first round draft picks (which will all go to the Nugs). The deal is contingent upon Melo signing that aforementioned 3 year, $65 million contract before being shipped off to New Jersey.

But apparently this is news to Melo, who I’m sure will say something like “I just want to play basketball.” Or “I just want my wife to be happy.” Well, guess what Carmelo? Not everyone lives in a fucking cocoon like you apparently do. Your teammates know that LaLa runs your life and that you’ve all but checked out of Denver. Sure, your stats are still pretty good, but there’s something just kind of off, which has effectively killed the Nuggets season.

What really topped off your ridiculous immaturity is the following quote:

“I think it takes a strong-willed person, a strong-minded person, to deal with the stuff that I deal with and still go out there and go to work every day and perform on a nightly basis. I take my hat off to myself for dealing with all this stuff that’s going on and still be able to go out there and play at the high level that I can play at. I really don’t think an average person can walk in my shoes. I don’t think that.”

That’s got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t even call him selfish because he so clearly has a stunted maturity level that has sapped whatever (most likely minuscule) level of self-awareness he ever possessed in the first place. I hope New Jersey is ready to deal with this bullshit in three years, which is the next time his contract year comes around. That is, if Melo ever receives the word that he’s traded.


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