Can We Kick Alabama out of the Country Now, Please?

February 18, 2011 § 1 Comment

Am I the only one that finds this tree-poisoning scandal at Auburn a tad bit funny? The guy who did it, a 62-year-old hick of an Alabama diehard fan, is surely the scum of the earth. To be honest, I’ve never even heard of Toomer’s Corner, which speaks to my lowly knowledge of college football compared to most pro sports. The tradition, TP-ing trees after Auburn sports victories, sounds incredibly fucking stupid. Everyone knows the thrill of TP-ing trees is the chance of the homeowner or business owner catching you and your friends. The payoff is seeing the unlucky asshole have to clean it all up the next morning. Who the hell cleans all that shit off the trees at Auburn?

To see this grown man, who probably has grandkids, for Christ’s sake, face felony mischief charges that could mean 10 years of prison, is pretty amusing. He’s currently being held in prison on $50,000 bail.

For poisoning some trees.

I’d be willing to bet, in just the last couple days since this scandal broke, there have been hundreds of horrible rapes, murders and child molestations all across Alabama, not to mention thousands of cases of incest, yet probably 90 percent of the state’s police force has convened upon Auburn’s campus to try to save some century-old trees that were likely going to die soon anyway.

This mess of a “scandal” down in Auburn is the last straw. President Obama needs to kick Alabama out of the union. Right now. Give them 24 hours to get their family affairs and all that shit in order, and tell them to go away. They can try to get Mexico to take them, they can become part of the Central Americas, or they can even become their own country. I really don’t give a shit.

We don’t need this state that consistently ranks in the top 5 states of almost every single undesirable category possible: Dumbest, Fattest, Most Racist, Most Religiously Intolerant, Worst Highways (personal opinion), etc. The list could go on forever. This stupid tree-poisoning scandal is just the culmination of something that should’ve happened back when the assholes of this state unleashed dogs and firehoses on peaceful black rioters back in the ’60s.

Good riddance, Alabama. Mississippi, watch your step because you’re next.


§ One Response to Can We Kick Alabama out of the Country Now, Please?

  • James Robnett III says:

    I as well think this is hilarious. Pre 70 and 64/40 construction in St. Louis, Missouri highways win by a mile. However, they are one of the most traveled highways in the United States.

    To add some information about the guy who committed this crime via Scott Van Pelt Show, he was an avid die hard Crimson fan and named his two kids (girl and a boy, names not in a particular order) Bear and Crimson. He never stated which one was named Bear, so the SVP show kept making fun of the possibility that his daughter’s name is Bear.

    Mississippi is equally bad, they have worst beaches and the lowest GDP in the US on top of everything else you stated.

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