Hey Media: Stop Complaining about the Goddamn Super Bowl Weather!

February 4, 2011 § 3 Comments

I’m talking mainly to you, Peter King, but also (sadly) Bill Simmons and a whole cluster of other media members who refuse to shut the hell up about the weather in Dallas this week. Guess what guys? NOBODY GIVES A SHIT! The only reason you guys are in Dallas is because your employer paid all of your expenses and sent you down there to cover the event. The average fan, on the other hand, is probably paying at least $5,000 to enjoy a three- or four-day vacation centered around the Super Bowl. If the average fan wants to complain, that’s fine. Complain away.

Shit, if you’re paying $5,000 for a long weekend in Dallas, you should demand one hour per night with a prostitute at the expense of the ridiculously marked-up hotel you’re staying at. And your $2,500 nosebleed ticket you bought — assuming you bought it at a marked up price and weren’t one of the lucky 20 average Joes in the country to win the NFL ticket lottery and “only pay face value,” which is $600 or so itself? That should get you free alcohol throughout Super Bowl Sunday. The NFL can afford it, and you deserve to black out if you wish.

As for the weather, I guess you can complain about it. I mean, you are paying an exorbitant amount of money for a weekend that, to me, seems like a giant clusterfuck. Not many people are going to feel sorry for you, considering it was your decision to spend that money and experience the Super Bowl, but if it’s your prerogative to bitch that your extremely expensive weekend is being ruined by snow and ice, then I’m OK with that.

But you media members. You guys ought to be ashamed. Peter King especially. Peter started bitching about the New York Super Bowl last year. For those who don’t know, the Super Bowl is taking place in the Meadowlands in 2014, four years from now. And Peter’s already bitching like the whiny baby he is. I guess all these years of Sports Illustrated treating Peter like royalty, despite his inability to write coherent sentences or emit even one iota of cleverness in a single passage he writes, has gotten to his head. Because Peter just wrote this on Twitter:

Good God almighty, are you fucking kidding me, Peter? So you’re gonna have a little trouble getting to the nearest Starbucks? Boo hoo! I’m sure the Ritz Carlton, or whichever four-star hotel SI is paying for you to stay in, has a very nice coffee shop that you can write off on your expense report. And if you really need to get down to Media Row so you can glad-hand with the commissioner some more, I’m sure SI will gladly pay for a hot-air balloon to safely carry you over there.

Listen, I’m a journalism major, I plan on, one way or another, having a long career in the media, and I respect the media. I read all the time, and I encourage everyone else to do so. I think the media plays an extremely important role in society.*

*For example, I was watching the news the other day when I joked to my mom that I would’ve called “Not It” when NBC was deciding who to send to Egypt. Honestly, though, I would’ve been proud to go there and report on something with a worldwide impact (although I would’ve worn a helmet.) Without the media to disseminate the pictures, video and stories of the Egyptian people, would this revolt be nearly the story it is now? Would anyone outside of the Federal government honestly care?

But when media members bitch about the weather at a hugely popular event that is supposed to be a fun celebration of football, never mind that football is BAD-WEATHER SPORT, it’s embarrassing. Thousands of legitimate stories are out there at the Super Bowl, ready to be covered. Choosing to write about something that (a.) you have no control over and (b.) makes regular fans and aspiring media members who would give anything to go to a Super Bowl, let alone an all-expenses-paid trip, want to punch you in the nuts for being an ungrateful bastard, is silly, and you deserve to be mocked:

My Pick to Win

This is the most evenly matched Super Bowl I can remember in a while. It’s pretty much a pick em; the only reason Green Bay is favored is because they are more popular and I’m assuming at least 75 percent of the country is rooting for them. I’ll go through the matchups just for fan, but I think they’re mostly a wash.

Both teams have an aging possession wide receiver (Donald Driver for GB and Hines Ward for PIT), an explosive star-in-the-making WR (Greg Jennings, GB and Mike Wallace, PIT) as well as a couple of young WRs who are more than reliable and could probably definitely start for the Rams. (Jordy Nelson, James Jones, GB; Antonio Brown, Emmanuel Sanders, PIT). Both teams have elusive QBs who are the second- and third-best QBs in the league (behind Vick) when it comes to escaping seemingly easy sacks by the other team. The fact that Rodgers and Roethlisberger are so good at eluding pass-rushers should wash out both teams’ stellar front seven overpowering the other team’s battered O-line. Pittsburgh and Green Bay both can blitz with the best of them, thanks to the best two outside linebackers in the league (Clay Mathews, GB and James Harrison, PIT), and both teams have a couple of stars in the secondary (Charles Woodson and Tramon Williams, GB; Troy Polamalu and Ryan Clark, PIT) who can make game-changing plays at any time. Football Outsiders’ weighted special teams rankings say both units are even.

So what’s the difference between these two teams? I see three, two of which are obvious.

1. The running game. James Starks has been a bit of revelation for GB in the playoffs, but let’s be honest. He won’t be able to run on Pittsburgh’s D; it’s impossible. Rashard Mendenhall, on the other hand, has a much better pedigree than Starks, and if he runs like he did against the Jets, he’ll give the Packers a headache.

2. Coaching advantage. Mike Tomlin and his staff are simply better than Mike McCarthy and his staff. They have more big game experience and have already won a Super Bowl. Plus, it seems like the coaches who have won the Super Bowl in the past decade could literally beat the hell out of the coaches who lost the Super Bowl. Maybe there’s a psychological advantage there? I think Dick Lebeau and Mike Tomlin could kick the shit out of the whole Packers’ staff by themselves.

3. MIZ… Mark my words: With the NFL’s infusion of Mizzou Tigers, we will see a long streak of Super Bowl winning teams with at least one Tiger on their roster. The phenomenon started last year with Super Bowl hero Chase Daniel, and will continue with Ziggy Hood. Next year will be Danario Alexander…

Pittsburgh (+2.5) 30, Green Bay 24

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